Chapter
18
She
had to make up her mind what to do. She would leave
Venice on the Saturday that he was leaving Wragby: in
six days' time. This would bring her to London on the
Monday following, and she would then see him. She wrote
to him to the London address, asking him to send her a
letter to Hartland's hotel, and to call for her on the
Monday evening at seven.
Inside
herself she was curiously and complicatedly angry, and
all her responses were numb. She refused to confide even
in Hilda, and Hilda, offended by her steady silence, had
become rather intimate with a Dutch woman. Connie hated
these rather stifling intimacies between women, intimacy
into which Hilda always entered ponderously.
Sir
Malcolm decided to travel with Connie, and Duncan could
come on with Hilda. The old artist always did himself
well: he took berths on the Orient Express, in spite of
Connie's dislike of trains de luxe, the
atmosphere of vulgar depravity there is aboard them
nowadays. However, it would make the journey to Paris
shorter.
Sir
Malcolm was always uneasy going back to his wife. It was
habit carried over from the first wife. But there would
be a house-party for the grouse, and he wanted to be
well ahead. Connie, sunburnt and handsome, sat in
silence, forgetting all about the landscape.
`A
little dull for you, going back to Wragby,' said her
father, noticing her glumness.
`I'm
not sure I shall go back to Wragby,' she said, with
startling abruptness, looking into his eyes with her big
blue eyes. His big blue eyes took on the frightened look
of a man whose social conscience is not quite clear.
`You
mean you'll stay on in Paris a while?'
`No!
I mean never go back to Wragby.'
He
was bothered by his own little problems, and sincerely
hoped he was getting none of hers to shoulder.
`How's
that, all at once?' he asked.
`I'm
going to have a child.'
It
was the first time she had uttered the words to any
living soul, and it seemed to mark a cleavage in her
life.
`How
do you know?' said her father.
She
smiled.
`How
should I know?'
`But
not Clifford's child, of course?'
`No!
Another man's.'
She
rather enjoyed tormenting him.
`Do
I know the man?' asked Sir Malcolm.
`No!
You've never seen him.'
There
was a long pause.
`And
what are your plans?'
`I
don't know. That's the point.'
`No
patching it up with Clifford?'
`I
suppose Clifford would take it,' said Connie. `He told
me, after last time you talked to him, he wouldn't mind
if I had a child, so long as I went about it
discreetly.'
`Only
sensible thing he could say, under the circumstances.
Then I suppose it'll be all right.'
`In
what way?' said Connie, looking into her father's eyes.
They were big blue eyes rather like her own, but with a
certain uneasiness in them, a look sometimes of an
uneasy little boy, sometimes a look of sullen
selfishness, usually good-humoured and wary.
`You
can present Clifford with an heir to all the Chatterleys,
and put another baronet in Wragby.'
Sir
Malcolm's face smiled with a half-sensual smile.
`But
I don't think I want to,' she said.
`Why
not? Feeling entangled with the other man? Well! If you
want the truth from me, my child, it's this. The world
goes on. Wragby stands and will go on standing. The
world is more or less a fixed thing and, externally, we
have to adapt ourselves to it. Privately, in my private
opinion, we can please ourselves. Emotions change. You
may like one man this year and another next. But Wragby
still stands. Stick by Wragby as far as Wragby sticks by
you. Then please yourself. But you'll get very little
out of making a break. You can make a break if you wish.
You have an independent income, the only thing that
never lets you down. But you won't get much out of it.
Put a little baronet in Wragby. It's an amusing thing to
do.'
And
Sir Malcolm sat back and smiled again. Connie did not
answer.
`I
hope you had a real man at last,' he said to her after a
while, sensually alert.
`I
did. That's the trouble. There aren't many of them
about,' she said.
`No,
by God!' he mused. `There aren't! Well, my dear, to look
at you, he was a lucky man. Surely he wouldn't make
trouble for you?'
`Oh
no! He leaves me my own mistress entirely.'
`Quite!
Quite! A genuine man would.'
Sir
Malcolm was pleased. Connie was his favourite daughter,
he had always liked the female in her. Not so much of
her mother in her as in Hilda. And he had always
disliked Clifford. So he was pleased, and very tender
with his daughter, as if the unborn child were his
child.
He
drove with her to Hartland's hotel, and saw her
installed: then went round to his club. She had refused
his company for the evening.
She
found a letter from Mellors.
I
won't come round to your hotel, but I'll wait for you
outside the Golden Cock in Adam Street at seven.
There
he stood, tall and slender, and so different, in a
formal suit of thin dark cloth. He had a natural
distinction, but he had not the cut-to-pattern look of
her class. Yet, she saw at once, he could go anywhere.
He had a native breeding which was really much nicer
than the cut-to-pattern class thing.
`Ah,
there you are! How well you look!'
`Yes!
But not you.'
She
looked in his face anxiously. It was thin, and the
cheekbones showed. But his eyes smiled at her, and she
felt at home with him. There it was: suddenly, the
tension of keeping up her appearances fell from her.
Something flowed out of him physically, that made her
feel inwardly at ease and happy, at home. With a woman's
now alert instinct for happiness, she registered it at
once. `I'm happy when he's there!' Not all the sunshine
of Venice had given her this inward expansion and
warmth.
`Was
it horrid for you?' she asked as she sat opposite him at
table. He was too thin; she saw it now. His hand lay as
she knew it, with the curious loose forgottenness of a
sleeping animal. She wanted so much to take it and kiss
it. But she did not quite dare.
`People
are always horrid,' he said.
`And
did you mind very much?'
`I
minded, as I always shall mind. And I knew I was a fool
to mind.'
`Did
you feel like a dog with a tin can tied to its tail?
Clifford said you felt like that.'
He
looked at her. It was cruel of her at that moment: for
his pride had suffered bitterly.
`I
suppose I did,' he said.
She
never knew the fierce bitterness with which he resented
insult.
There
was a long pause.
`And
did you miss me?' she asked.
`I
was glad you were out of it.'
Again
there was a pause.
`But
did people believe about you and me?' she asked.
`No!
I don't think so for a moment.'
`Did
Clifford?'
`I
should say not. He put it off without thinking about it.
But naturally it made him want to see the last of me.'
`I'm
going to have a child.'
The
expression died utterly out of his face, out of his
whole body. He looked at her with darkened eyes, whose
look she could not understand at all: like some
dark-flamed spirit looking at her.
`Say
you're glad!' she pleaded, groping for his hand. And she
saw a certain exultance spring up in him. But it was
netted down by things she could not understand.
`It's
the future,' he said.
`But
aren't you glad?' she persisted.
`I
have such a terrible mistrust of the future.'
`But
you needn't be troubled by any responsibility. Clifford
would have it as his own, he'd be glad.'
She
saw him go pale, and recoil under this. He did not
answer.
`Shall
I go back to Clifford and put a little baronet into
Wragby?' she asked.
He
looked at her, pale and very remote. The ugly little
grin flickered on his face.
`You
wouldn't have to tell him who the father was?'
`Oh!'
she said; `he'd take it even then, if I wanted him to.'
He
thought for a time.
`Ay!'
he said at last, to himself. `I suppose he would.'
There
was silence. A big gulf was between them.
`But
you don't want me to go back to Clifford, do you?' she
asked him.
`What
do you want yourself?' he replied.
`I
want to live with you,' she said simply.
In
spite of himself, little flames ran over his belly as he
heard her say it, and he dropped his head. Then he
looked up at her again, with those haunted eyes.
`If
it's worth it to you,' he said. `I've got nothing.'
`You've
got more than most men. Come, you know it,' she said.
`In
one way, I know it.' He was silent for a time, thinking.
Then he resumed: `They used to say I had too much of the
woman in me. But it's not that. I'm not a woman not
because I don't want to shoot birds, neither because I
don't want to make money, or get on. I could have got on
in the army, easily, but I didn't like the army. Though
I could manage the men all right: they liked me and they
had a bit of a holy fear of me when I got mad. No, it
was stupid, dead-handed higher authority that made the
army dead: absolutely fool-dead. I like men, and men
like me. But I can't stand the twaddling bossy impudence
of the people who run this world. That's why I can't get
on. I hate the impudence of money, and I hate the
impudence of class. So in the world as it is, what have
I to offer a woman?'
`But
why offer anything? It's not a bargain. It's just that
we love one another,' she said.
`Nay,
nay! It's more than that. Living is moving and moving
on. My life won't go down the proper gutters, it just
won't. So I'm a bit of a waste ticket by myself. And
I've no business to take a woman into my life, unless my
life does something and gets somewhere, inwardly at
least, to keep us both fresh. A man must offer a woman
some meaning in his life, if it's going to be an
isolated life, and if she's a genuine woman. I can't be
just your male concubine.'
`Why
not?' she said.
`Why,
because I can't. And you would soon hate it.'
`As
if you couldn't trust me,' she said.
The
grin flickered on his face.
`The
money is yours, the position is yours, the decisions
will lie with you. I'm not just my Lady's fucker, after
all.'
`What
else are you?'
`You
may well ask. It no doubt is invisible. Yet I'm
something to myself at least. I can see the point of my
own existence, though I can quite understand nobody
else's seeing it.'
`And
will your existence have less point, if you live with
me?'
He
paused a long time before replying:
`It
might.'
She
too stayed to think about it.
`And
what is the point of your existence?'
`I
tell you, it's invisible. I don't believe in the world,
not in money, nor in advancement, nor in the future of
our civilization. If there's got to be a future for
humanity, there'll have to be a very big change from
what now is.'
`And
what will the real future have to be like?'
`God
knows! I can feel something inside me, all mixed up with
a lot of rage. But what it really amounts to, I don't
know.'
`Shall
I tell you?' she said, looking into his face. `Shall I
tell you what you have that other men don't have, and
that will make the future? Shall I tell you?'
`Tell
me then,' he replied.
`It's
the courage of your own tenderness, that's what it is:
like when you put your hand on my tail and say I've got
a pretty tail.'
The
grin came flickering on his face.
`That!'
he said.
Then
he sat thinking.
`Ay!'
he said. `You're right. It's that really. It's that all
the way through. I knew it with the men. I had to be in
touch with them, physically, and not go back on it. I
had to be bodily aware of them and a bit tender to them,
even if I put em through hell. It's a question of
awareness, as Buddha said. But even he fought shy of the
bodily awareness, and that natural physical tenderness,
which is the best, even between men; in a proper manly
way. Makes 'em really manly, not so monkeyish. Ay! it's
tenderness, really; it's cunt-awareness. Sex is really
only touch, the closest of all touch. And it's touch
we're afraid of. We're only half-conscious, and half
alive. We've got to come alive and aware. Especially the
English have got to get into touch with one another, a
bit delicate and a bit tender. It's our crying need.'
She
looked at him.
`Then
why are you afraid of me?' she said.
He
looked at her a long time before he answered.
`It's
the money, really, and the position. It's the world in
you.'
`But
isn't there tenderness in me?' she said wistfully.
He
looked down at her, with darkened, abstract eyes.
`Ay!
It comes an' goes, like in me.'
`But
can't you trust it between you and me?' she asked,
gazing anxiously at him.
She
saw his face all softening down, losing its armour.
`Maybe!' he said. They were both silent.
`I
want you to hold me in your arms,' she said. `I want you
to tell me you are glad we are having a child.'
She
looked so lovely and warm and wistful, his bowels
stirred towards her.
`I
suppose we can go to my room,' he said. `Though it's
scandalous again.'
But
she saw the forgetfulness of the world coming over him
again, his face taking the soft, pure look of tender
passion.
They
walked by the remoter streets to Coburg Square, where he
had a room at the top of the house, an attic room where
he cooked for himself on a gas ring. It was small, but
decent and tidy.
She
took off her things, and made him do the same. She was
lovely in the soft first flush of her pregnancy.
`I
ought to leave you alone,' he said.
`No!'
she said. `Love me! Love me, and say you'll keep me. Say
you'll keep me! Say you'll never let me go, to the world
nor to anybody.'
She
crept close against him, clinging fast to his thin,
strong naked body, the only home she had ever known.
`Then
I'll keep thee,' he said. `If tha wants it, then I'll
keep thee.'
He
held her round and fast.
`And
say you're glad about the child,' she repeated.
`Kiss
it! Kiss my womb and say you're glad it's there.'
But
that was more difficult for him.
`I've
a dread of puttin' children i' th' world,' he said.
`I've such a dread o' th' future for 'em.'
`But
you've put it into me. Be tender to it, and that will be
its future already. Kiss it!'
He
quivered, because it was true. `Be tender to it, and
that will be its future.'---At that moment he felt a
sheer love for the woman. He kissed her belly and her
mound of Venus, to kiss close to the womb and the foetus
within the womb.
`Oh,
you love me! You love me!' she said, in a little cry
like one of her blind, inarticulate love cries. And he
went in to her softly, feeling the stream of tenderness
flowing in release from his bowels to hers, the bowels
of compassion kindled between them.
And
he realized as he went into her that this was the thing
he had to do, to e into tender touch, without losing his
pride or his dignity or his integrity as a man. After
all, if she had money and means, and he had none, he
should be too proud and honourable to hold back his
tenderness from her on that account. `I stand for the
touch of bodily awareness between human beings,' he said
to himself, `and the touch of tenderness. And she is my
mate. And it is a battle against the money, and the
machine, and the insentient ideal monkeyishness of the
world. And she will stand behind me there. Thank God
I've got a woman! Thank God I've got a woman who is with
me, and tender and aware of me. Thank God she's not a
bully, nor a fool. Thank God she's a tender, aware
woman.' And as his seed sprang in her, his soul sprang
towards her too, in the creative act that is far more
than procreative.
She
was quite determined now that there should be no parting
between him and her. But the ways and means were still
to settle.
`Did
you hate Bertha Coutts?' she asked him.
`Don't
talk to me about her.'
`Yes!
You must let me. Because once you liked her. And once
you were as intimate with her as you are with me. So you
have to tell me. Isn't it rather terrible, when you've
been intimate with her, to hate her so? Why is it?'
`I
don't know. She sort of kept her will ready against me,
always, always: her ghastly female will: her freedom! A
woman's ghastly freedom that ends in the most beastly
bullying! Oh, she always kept her freedom against me,
like vitriol in my face.'
`But
she's not free of you even now. Does she still love
you?'
`No,
no! If she's not free of me, it's because she's got that
mad rage, she must try to bully me.'
`But
she must have loved you.'
`No!
Well, in specks she did. She was drawn to me. And I
think even that she hated. She loved me in moments. But
she always took it back, and started bullying. Her
deepest desire was to bully me, and there was no
altering her. Her will was wrong, from the first.'
`But
perhaps she felt you didn't really love her, and she
wanted to make you.'
`My
God, it was bloody making.'
`But
you didn't really love her, did you? You did her that
wrong.'
`How
could I? I began to. I began to love her. But somehow,
she always ripped me up. No, don't let's talk of it. It
was a doom, that was. And she was a doomed woman. This
last time, I'd have shot her like I shoot a stoat, if
I'd but been allowed: a raving, doomed thing in the
shape of a woman! If only I could have shot her, and
ended the whole misery! It ought to be allowed. When a
woman gets absolutely possessed by her own will, her own
will set against everything, then it's fearful, and she
should be shot at last.'
`And
shouldn't men be shot at last, if they get possessed by
their own will?'
`Ay!---the
same! But I must get free of her, or she'll be at me
again. I wanted to tell you. I must get a divorce if I
possibly can. So we must be careful. We mustn't really
be seen together, you and I. I never, never could
stand it if she came down on me and you.'
Connie
pondered this.
`Then
we can't be together?' she said.
`Not
for six months or so. But I think my divorce will go
through in September; then till March.'
`But
the baby will probably be born at the end of February,'
she said.
He
was silent.
`I
could wish the Cliffords and Berthas all dead,' he said.
`It's
not being very tender to them,' she said.
`Tender
to them? Yea, even then the tenderest thing you could do
for them, perhaps, would be to give them death. They
can't live! They only frustrate life. Their souls are
awful inside them. Death ought to be sweet to them. And
I ought to be allowed to shoot them.'
`But
you wouldn't do it,' she said.
`I
would though! and with less qualms than I shoot a
weasel. It anyhow has a prettiness and a loneliness. But
they are legion. Oh, I'd shoot them.'
`Then
perhaps it is just as well you daren't.'
`Well.'
Connie
had now plenty to think of. It was evident he wanted
absolutely to be free of Bertha Coutts. And she felt he
was right. The last attack had been too grim.---This
meant her living alone, till spring. Perhaps she could
get divorced from Clifford. But how? If Mellors were
named, then there was an end to his divorce. How
loathsome! Couldn't one go right away, to the far ends
of the earth, and be free from it all?
One
could not. The far ends of the world are not five
minutes from Charing Cross, nowadays. While the wireless
is active, there are no far ends of the earth. Kings of
Dahomey and Lamas of Tibet listen in to London and New
York.
Patience!
Patience! The world is a vast and ghastly intricacy of
mechanism, and one has to be very wary, not to get
mangled by it.
Connie
confided in her father.
`You
see, Father, he was Clifford's game-keeper: but he was
an officer in the army in India. Only he is like Colonel
C. E. Florence, who preferred to become a private
soldier again.'
Sir
Malcolm, however, had no sympathy with the
unsatisfactory mysticism of the famous C. E. Florence.
He saw too much advertisement behind all the humility.
It looked just like the sort of conceit the knight most
loathed, the conceit of self-abasement.
`Where
did your game-keeper spring from?' asked Sir Malcolm
irritably.
`He
was a collier's son in Tevershall. But he's absolutely
presentable.'
The
knighted artist became more angry.
`Looks
to me like a gold-digger,' he said. `And you're a pretty
easy gold-mine, apparently.'
`No,
Father, it's not like that. You'd know if you saw him.
He's a man. Clifford always detested him for not being
humble.'
`Apparently
he had a good instinct, for once.'
What
Sir Malcolm could not bear was the scandal of his
daughter's having an intrigue with a game-keeper. He did
not mind the intrigue: he minded the scandal.
`I
care nothing about the fellow. He's evidently been able
to get round you all right. But, by God, think of all
the talk. Think of your step-mother how she'll take it!'
`I
know,' said Connie. `Talk is beastly: especially if you
live in society. And he wants so much to get his own
divorce. I thought we might perhaps say it was another
man's child, and not mention Mellors' name at all.'
`Another
man's! What other man's?'
`Perhaps
Duncan Forbes. He has been our friend all his life.'
`And
he's a fairly well-known artist. And he's fond of me.'
`Well
I'm damned! Poor Duncan! And what's he going to get out
of it?'
`I
don't know. But he might rather like it, even.'
`He
might, might he? Well, he's a funny man if he does. Why,
you've never even had an affair with him, have you?'
`No!
But he doesn't really want it. He only loves me to be
near him, but not to touch him.'
`My
God, what a generation!'
`He
would like me most of all to be a model for him to paint
from. Only I never wanted to.'
`God
help him! But he looks down-trodden enough for
anything.'
`Still,
you wouldn't mind so much the talk about him?'
`My
God, Connie, all the bloody contriving!'
`I
know! It's sickening! But what can I do?'
`Contriving,
conniving; conniving, contriving! Makes a man think he's
lived too long.'
`Come,
Father, if you haven't done a good deal of contriving
and conniving in your time, you may talk.'
`But
it was different, I assure you.'
`It's
always different.'
Hilda
arrived, also furious when she heard of the new
developments. And she also simply could not stand the
thought of a public scandal about her sister and a
game-keeper. Too, too humiliating!
`Why
should we not just disappear, separately, to British
Columbia, and have no scandal?' said Connie.
But
that was no good. The scandal would come out just the
same. And if Connie was going with the man, she'd better
be able to marry him. This was Hilda's opinion. Sir
Malcolm wasn't sure. The affair might still blow over.
`But
will you see him, Father?'
Poor
Sir Malcolm! he was by no means keen on it. And poor
Mellors, he was still less keen. Yet the meeting took
place: a lunch in a private room at the club, the two
men alone, looking one another up and down.
Sir
Malcolm drank a fair amount of whisky, Mellors also
drank. And they talked all the while about India, on
which the young man was well informed.
This
lasted during the meal. Only when coffee was served, and
the waiter had gone, Sir Malcolm lit a cigar and said,
heartily:
`Well,
young man, and what about my daughter?'
The
grin flickered on Mellors' face.
`Well,
Sir, and what about her?'
`You've
got a baby in her all right.'
`I
have that honour!' grinned Mellors.
`Honour,
by God!' Sir Malcolm gave a little squirting laugh, and
became Scotch and lewd. `Honour! How was the going, eh?
Good, my boy, what?'
`Good!'
`I'll
bet it was! Ha-ha! My daughter, chip of the old block,
what! I never went back on a good bit of fucking,
myself. Though her mother, oh, holy saints!' He rolled
his eyes to heaven. `But you warmed her up, oh, you
warmed her up, I can see that. Ha-ha! My blood in her!
You set fire to her haystack all right. Ha-ha-ha! I was
jolly glad of it, I can tell you. She needed it. Oh,
she's a nice girl, she's a nice girl, and I knew she'd
be good going, if only some damned man would set her
stack on fire! Ha-ha-ha! A game-keeper, eh, my boy!
Bloody good poacher, if you ask me. Ha-ha! But now, look
here, speaking seriously, what are we going to do about
it? Speaking seriously, you know!'
Speaking
seriously, they didn't get very far. Mellors, though a
little tipsy, was much the soberer of the two. He kept
the conversation as intelligent as possible: which isn't
saying much.
`So
you're a game-keeper! Oh, you're quite right! That sort
of game is worth a man's while, eh, what? The test of a
woman is when you pinch her bottom. You can tell just by
the feel of her bottom if she's going to come up all
right. Ha-ha! I envy you, my boy. How old are you?'
`Thirty-nine.'
The
knight lifted his eyebrows.
`As
much as that! Well, you've another good twenty years, by
the look of you. Oh, game-keeper or not, you're a good
cock. I can see that with one eye shut. Not like that
blasted Clifford! A lily-livered hound with never a fuck
in him, never had. I like you, my boy, I'll bet you've a
good cod on you; oh, you're a bantam, I can see that.
You're a fighter. Game-keeper! Ha-ha, by crikey, I
wouldn't trust my game to you! But look here, seriously,
what are we going to do about it? The world's full of
blasted old women.'
Seriously,
they didn't do anything about it, except establish the
old free-masonry of male sensuality between them.
`And
look here, my boy, if ever I can do anything for you,
you can rely on me. Game-keeper! Christ, but it's rich!
I like it! Oh, I like it! Shows the girl's got spunk.
What? After all, you know, she has her own income,
moderate, moderate, but above starvation. And I'll leave
her what I've got. By God, I will. She deserves it for
showing spunk, in a world of old women. I've been
struggling to get myself clear of the skirts of old
women for seventy years, and haven't managed it yet. But
you're the man, I can see that.'
`I'm
glad you think so. They usually tell me, in a sideways
fashion, that I'm the monkey.'
`Oh,
they would! My dear fellow, what could you be but a
monkey, to all the old women?'
They
parted most genially, and Mellors laughed inwardly all
the time for the rest of the day.
The
following day he had lunch with Connie and Hilda, at
some discreet place.
`It's
a very great pity it's such an ugly situation all
round,' said Hilda.
`I
had a lot o' fun out of it,' said he.
`I
think you might have avoided putting children into the
world until you were both free to marry and have
children.'
`The
Lord blew a bit too soon on the spark,' said he.
`I
think the Lord had nothing to do with it. Of course,
Connie has enough money to keep you both, but the
situation is unbearable.'
`But
then you don't have to bear more than a small corner of
it, do you?' said he.
`If
you'd been in her own class.'
`Or
if I'd been in a cage at the Zoo.'
There
was silence.
`I
think,' said Hilda, `it will be best if she names quite
another man as co-respondent and you stay out of it
altogether.'
`But
I thought I'd put my foot right in.'
`I
mean in the divorce proceedings.'
He
gazed at her in wonder. Connie had not dared mention the
Duncan scheme to him.
`I
don't follow,' he said.
`We
have a friend who would probably agree to be named as
co-respondent, so that your name need not appear,' said
Hilda.
`You
mean a man?'
`Of
course!'
`But
she's got no other?'
He
looked in wonder at Connie.
`No,
no!' she said hastily. `Only that old friendship, quite
simple, no love.'
`Then
why should the fellow take the blame? If he's had
nothing out of you?'
`Some
men are chivalrous and don't only count what they get
out of a woman,' said Hilda.
`One
for me, eh? But who's the johnny?'
`A
friend whom we've known since we were children in
Scotland, an artist.'
`Duncan
Forbes!' he said at once, for Connie had talked to him.
`And how would you shift the blame on to him?'
`They
could stay together in some hotel, or she could even
stay in his apartment.'
`Seems
to me like a lot of fuss for nothing,' he said.
`What
else do you suggest?' said Hilda. `If your name appears,
you will get no divorce from your wife, who is
apparently quite an impossible person to be mixed up
with.'
`All
that!' he said grimly.
There
was a long silence.
`We
could go right away,' he said.
`There
is no right away for Connie,' said Hilda. `Clifford is
too well known.'
Again
the silence of pure frustration.
`The
world is what it is. If you want to live together
without being persecuted, you will have to marry. To
marry, you both have to be divorced. So how are you both
going about it?'
He
was silent for a long time.
`How
are you going about it for us?' he said.
`We
will see if Duncan will consent to figure as
co-respondent: then we must get Clifford to divorce
Connie: and you must go on with your divorce, and you
must both keep apart till you are free.'
`Sounds
like a lunatic asylum.'
`Possibly!
And the world would look on you as lunatics: or worse.;
`What
is worse?'
`Criminals,
I suppose.'
`Hope
I can plunge in the dagger a few more times yet,' he
said, grinning. Then he was silent, and angry.
`Well!'
he said at last. `I agree to anything. The world is a
raving idiot, and no man can kill it: though I'll do my
best. But you re right. We must rescue ourselves as best
we can.'
He
looked in humiliation, anger, weariness and misery at
Connie.
`Ma
lass!' he said. `The world's goin' to put salt on thy
tail.'
`Not
if we don't let it,' she said.
She
minded this conniving against the world less than he
did.
Duncan,
when approached, also insisted on seeing the delinquent
game-keeper, so there was a dinner, this time in his
flat: the four of them. Duncan was a rather short,
broad, dark-skinned, taciturn Hamlet of a fellow with
straight black hair and a weird Celtic conceit of
himself. His art was all tubes and valves and spirals
and strange colours, ultra-modern, yet with a certain
power, even a certain purity of form and tone: only
Mellors thought it cruel and repellent. He did not
venture to say so, for Duncan was almost insane on the
point of his art: it was a personal cult, a personal
religion with him.
They
were looking at the pictures in the studio, and Duncan
kept his smallish brown eyes on the other man. He wanted
to hear what the game-keeper would say. He knew already
Connie's and Hilda's opinions.
`It
is like a pure bit of murder,' said Mellors at last; a
speech Duncan by no means expected from a game-keeper.
`And
who is murdered?' asked Hilda, rather coldly and
sneeringly.
`Me!
It murders all the bowels of compassion in a man.'
A
wave of pure hate came out of the artist. He heard the
note of dislike in the other man's voice, and the note
of contempt. And he himself loathed the mention of
bowels of compassion. Sickly sentiment!
Mellors
stood rather tall and thin, worn-looking, gazing with
flickering detachment that was something like the
dancing of a moth on the wing, at the pictures.
`Perhaps
stupidity is murdered; sentimental stupidity,' sneered
the artist.
`Do
you think so? I think all these tubes and corrugated
vibrations are stupid enough for anything, and pretty
sentimental. They show a lot of self-pity and an awful
lot of nervous self-opinion, seems to me.'
In
another wave of hate the artist's face looked yellow.
But with a sort of silent hauteur he turned the
pictures to the wall.
`I
think we may go to the dining-room,' he said. And they
trailed off, dismally.
After
coffee, Duncan said:
`I
don't at all mind posing as the father of Connie's
child. But only on the condition that she'll come and
pose as a model for me. I've wanted her for years, and
she's always refused.' He uttered it with the dark
finality of an inquisitor announcing an auto da fe.
`Ah!'
said Mellors. `You only do it on condition, then?'
`Quite!
I only do it on that condition.' The artist tried to put
the utmost contempt of the other person into his speech.
He put a little too much.
`Better
have me as a model at the same time,' said Mellors.
`Better do us in a group, Vulcan and Venus under the net
of art. I used to be a blacksmith, before I was a
game-keeper.'
`Thank
you,' said the artist. `I don't think Vulcan has a
figure that interests me.'
`Not
even if it was tubified and titivated up?'
There
was no answer. The artist was too haughty for further
words.
It
was a dismal party, in which the artist henceforth
steadily ignored the presence of the other man, and
talked only briefly, as if the words were wrung out of
the depths of his gloomy portentousness, to the women.
`You
didn't like him, but he's better than that, really. He's
really kind,' Connie explained as they left.
`He's
a little black pup with a corrugated distemper,' said
Mellors.
`No,
he wasn't nice today.'
`And
will you go and be a model to him?'
`Oh,
I don't really mind any more. He won't touch me. And I
don't mind anything, if it paves the way to a life
together for you and me.'
`But
he'll only shit on you on canvas.'
`I
don't care. He'll only be painting his own feelings for
me, and I don't mind if he does that. I wouldn't have
him touch me, not for anything. But if he thinks he can
do anything with his owlish arty staring, let him stare.
He can make as many empty tubes and corrugations out of
me as he likes. It's his funeral. He hated you for what
you said: that his tubified art is sentimental and
self-important. But of course it's true.' |